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语文一对一家教女人的一生,要受到多少侮辱?这堵写满秘密的墙好心酸……-环球时报GlobalTimes

2019-03-02 18:25:51
女人的一生,要受到多少侮辱?这堵写满秘密的墙好心酸……-环球时报GlobalTimes

点击上方“环球时报GlobalTimes”可以订阅哦
从小到大,每个人都有过被责备的经历。
有些是事出有因的批评,有些则是莫名其妙的辱骂。
尤其是,当某些辱骂建立在“你是一个女孩”的基础上时……
相信很多女孩,尤其是比较活泼一些的女孩,小时候都有被家长训斥过:“哪像个女孩样子!”

这是一句最常见、最普通不过的批评,寻常到我们根本没把它往性别歧视的方面去想。
只是,无论男孩还是女孩,其实都听过许许多多基于性别刻板印象的指责:“娘娘腔”“娘pao”“没人要”“嫁不出去”……
相比之下,女性在性别上所承受的压力,似乎尤其之多。

前不久,一名澳大利亚的女艺术家就搞了个大事。
艺术家名叫苏西(Suzie Blake)全搜网 ,今年37岁奉孝同 。

▲Suzie Blake
苏西在墨尔本展出了一面“墙”,墙上有着许多手写的字迹……

仔细一看,发现这些手写的字句里,藏着许多令人沉默的故事……

▲‘My mother told me at the age of 12 that I should not wear my bikini around the house because it would distract my father! We had a swimming pool in our backyard.’
“我家院子里有个游泳池。在我12岁那年,妈妈和我说,我不能再穿着比基尼在房子周围晃了:因为那样会使我爸分心!!”

▲‘The man who raped me when I was fourteen told me I had “charging rhinoceros thighs”.’
“在我14岁那年强奸了我的男人说,我有着‘犀牛一样粗的腿’。”

▲‘How it didn’t count as rape because I didn’t use our safe word. Never mind that I was half-asleep at the time.’
“没定性为强奸案,就因为我没有呼救。可是……那时候我根本是不清醒的,一直昏昏沉沉啊。”

▲‘Your boobs are too small.’
“你的胸好小啊。”

▲‘I was 12 and I wouldn’t let a boy finger me, and the boys teased me that I was frigid – I didn’t even know what that meant.’
“12岁时,我不让男生随便碰我叶赫那拉宇策 ,于是他们取笑我说我‘性冷淡’——我当时甚至不知道这词是什么意思。”

▲‘End of primary school celebrations involved signing each other’s school uniforms. A fellow grade 6 boy wrote across my shirt over my lower back, in capitals “WIDE LOAD” with an arrow pointing down towards my bottom. I had to wear that shirt all day.’
“在小学庆典快结束时,大家互相在对方的校服上签名留念。有个6年级的男生在我后背写了‘超大容量’几个字,还画了个箭头米高杰克逊 ,箭尖直指向我屁股。而我一整天都穿着这件衣服。”

▲‘When I was born my father wouldn’t let my mother feed me formula because he thought I would become too fat. Then as I grew up he would shame me every day about my size and general appearance, that if I wasn’t smaller then nobody would love me or find me attractive. Then at age 15 I developed an eating disorder and still trying to shake it at 27.’
“刚出生时,我爸不让我妈给我喂婴儿食品,他觉得我会变胖。后来我长大了,他天天羞辱我的长相和体形,说如果我再不瘦一点就不会有人喜欢我的。15岁那年,我患上了饮食失调症,直到现在27岁了还在设法摆脱它。”

▲‘Being asked to breastfeed in another room, so as not to offend my grandma.’
“要我去别的房间给孩子喂奶,别(袒胸露乳的)对奶奶不礼貌。”

▲‘I was 18 years old. The first comment from the gym instructor was if you lost some weight you would look good. I am now well into my 60s but have never forgotten how ordinary I felt.’
“在我18岁时,我的健身教练对我的第一个评价就是,‘如果你再瘦一点就会好看了’。现在我已经60多岁了,但我依然忘不了当时听到这句话时的感受。”

▲‘Can I borrow her for the weekend?’
“这周末把她借给我吧?”

▲‘Boys in my class say that I can’t play soccer or footy but I can.’
“班里的男生说,我踢不了足球。但我其实可以。”

▲‘After breaking up with him once and for all, I was ignoring him and started receiving a string of abusive messages, being called a slut over and over. He said I was a stupid girl (I was 25 years old) and the only thing I had going for me was a skinny waist.’
“和他分手之后一世朝华 ,我选择对他视而不见,结果收到了一连串辱骂我的短信,一遍遍叫我‘荡妇’。他说我很蠢(我25岁了),除了腰还挺细之外一无是处。”

▲‘We were discussing recent rapes in our city and a friend who is a law enforcement officer said to me, “you don’t need to worry. You’re too ugly to be raped.”
“我们在讨论最近发生的一些强奸案件。这时我的一个朋友(还是某执法机关的工作人员)对我说:‘你就不用担心了啊。你长这么难看,谁会来强奸你啊!’”

▲‘I was feeling pretty because I’d lost some weight. My husband said to me I’d “never have great legs”.’
“瘦了几斤,觉得自己挺好看的。结果我先生说,我‘从来没有大长腿’。”

▲‘The first time I worked on a construction site as a graduate engineer, I sat down in the lunch room during our lunch break and one of my male colleagues sat next to me, opened up a porn magazine and loudly described each page to me whilst everyone else in the lunchroom laughed. I was too young and inexperienced to speak up.’
“毕业后成为了工程师,第一次去建筑工地工作。中午我在餐厅里坐下,一个男同事坐在了我的旁边,打开了一本色情杂志,大声向我描述每一页正室谋略 。餐厅里的所有人都在笑。而我当时太年轻,又没有经验,连出声反驳都不敢。”

▲‘After the birth of my first child, as I was getting into the hot tub with my husband and his two friends. His one friend jumped out of the hot tub. Said “Gross, I can’t share a hot tub with a girl who’s all used up. You used to be hot, but now gross.” My husband laughed.’
“生了第一个孩子后,有次我去泡澡,我先生和他的两个朋友也在。其中一个朋友马上跳出了浴缸:‘太粗俗了!我才不和一个已经被人用过了的女人呆在同一个浴缸里!你以前挺女神的,但现在(婚后)已经俗了范群侦 。’我先生听了哈哈大笑。”

▲‘I got introduced to a prominent figure in the music industry and instead of saying “nice to meet you” he said “wow! You got big tits” – this was during an industry conference.’
“别人介绍一位音乐行业的大人物给我认识。初次见面,对方说的不是‘见到你很高兴’,而是‘哇!你胸好大!’——而且这是在一次行业会议上。”
……
▲Art installation gives women a space to share their experiences of being shamed (via metro.co.uk)

上面这些写在墙上的“秘密”,只是这堵墙的一小部分。
它们涉及了女性日常遭受的侮辱的方方面面:外貌和体形的嘲笑、轻佻言语的性骚扰、“女孩就是不如男孩”的鄙夷、对女性的物化、对强奸案受害者的污名化与二次伤害……

在接受采访时,苏西袒露了自己制作这堵墙的初心。
她看到了那些怀孕的未成年少女,遭受了怎样异样的眼光与侮辱。她也经历过因为身材而被人耻笑、最终患上了饮食障碍……
‘I started thinking about the shame that is piled onto teenage girls who get pregnant, and how it’s impossible for guys to experience this same kind of shame,’ Suzie tells Metro.o.uk.‘The irony is that everyone’s doing it, but it’s the girls who cop all the flak for getting pregnant.
‘I also started thinking about my own experiences of being shamed and how traumatizing certain comments people made to me were.
‘I suffered with eating disorders throughout my teenage years and twenties and I’m sure it had a lot to do with the shame I felt about my body.’
▲Art installation gives women a space to share their experiences of being shamed (via metro.co.uk)

这堵“秘密墙”的照片被发到了网上,也引起了网友们的热议。有些人发表了自己的感想,也有人吐露了曾经遭受侮辱的经历白银组合 。
以下是boredpanda上的部分留言……
@Eyeball:
These are heartbreaking. I have 4 daughters and I am terrified of what they will have to go through in this society. If everyone could start raising their young boys with respect towards all women, that would be great.
看着这些字句真让人心碎。我有4个女儿渣王作妃,真不知道今后她们会在社会上经历什么,付文丽想想都觉得害怕。如果每个有儿子的家长,都能从小教育儿子要尊重女性,那就再好不过了。
@Fabulous:
First of all, why would breastfeeding offend the grandmother? She should be at least empathetic, she obviously was a mother.
等等……那个关于“喂奶”的,我想知道喂奶怎么就是对奶奶不礼貌了?奶奶自己也是一位母亲,她为什么会看不惯喂奶这样的举动??
@Agnieszka Hejnowicz:
Once I've got valentine card on which my classmate wrote: 'I like you but, you must lose weight'.
有次收到张情人节卡片,同学送的,他在卡片里写着:“我喜欢你,但是……你必须要减减肥了。”
@Weeping Willowz:
I got cyber bullied by someone who I thought was my friend. I have a couple of mental disorders (not things like schizophrenia, little things) I have DPD (dependant personality disorder) depression and insomnia. The person I’m talking about started calling me a retard and a slut on skype. She told me that everyone hated me and that I have no friends. She bullied me to the point that I felt like committing suicide.
我在网络上被朋友欺凌过——好吧,只是我认为的“朋友”而已。我有些精神疾病,抑郁以及失眠。然后这个人在skype上叫我窝囊废、荡妇,说所有人都讨厌我,我没有朋友。这样的话戳在心上,简直像要自杀一样难受。
@Eunice Probert:
When I was in high school in New Zealand, in the 1970's, I was constantly body-shamed by the other kids. I was told that I was so fat that I was not a human being and had no right to live. It went on every day, in class and out. They even shouted things at me across the road in the town.
70年代花脸稿,我在新西兰读高中,时常被其他的小孩侮辱,说我太胖了,简直不像人类,没有资格活下去。这种侮辱天天都有,课堂内外无处不在,甚至还在镇里的路上散播球王万岁 。
I am now 56 and I have suffered with depression every day of my life since those teenage years. I have come close to suicide several times. Even though I am married and my husband loves me as I am, it is still there in the back of my mind. I wish I could let those people know the damage they did. But would they even remember? Would they care? Probably not.
我现在56岁了。自青春时代至今,每天都备受抑郁的折磨,甚至有好几次想要自杀。虽然我结婚了,和先生很相爱,可这些侮辱仍深深扎在我的脑海中。多希望当年那些人能够知道我的长孙皇后,他们到底对我造成了多大的伤害……可是啊,他们到底还记得那些侮辱吗?会当回事吗?可能并不会吧。语文一对一家教

看到这里,主页君突然想起了自己也曾经历过的一次侮辱。
去年某一天,我爸打电话来逼我找对象,劈头盖脸就是一句——“没有男人你什么都不是!”
当时,听到这句话的我简直是懵的。不敢相信这年头还有人有这种思想,更不敢相信这话居然是一个父亲说给他女儿听的王慈官 。
他怎么说得出口。

当然了,家长们的一些心情可以理解。而女性从小到大遭受的各类侮辱数不胜数星际花匠生活 ,区区“剩女”二字,已经算是“初级模式”了。
问题是……面对这些侮辱,你是忍气吞声,还是不当回事?亦或是努力反驳抗争?

最后,用MetroUK这篇报道的几句话来作结:
If you’re a woman, it’s highly likely you’ve had shame thrown at you.
如果你是女性,很有可能你已面临过许多侮辱。
You’ve been told to feel ashamed of your body, your sexuality, your wants and needs.
无视你的体形,还有性方面的调侃,嘲笑你的愿望,无视你的需求。
We don’t talk about this a lot, because, well, we’re ashamed.
虽然我们不常谈论这些,但事实是,我们都被侮辱过。
Silence is the currency of shamers. They win when we buy into the shame and hide ourselves away, don’t speak, and keep it zipped.
而沉默,就是侮辱者最好的帮凶。当我们对侮辱保持沉默、逃避自我、甚至连自己都对那些的侮辱的话深以为然时……那就是他们的胜利村田莲尔 。而那些侮辱,也更会甚嚣尘上。
And so, sharing stories and speaking out is power. Refusing to be ashamed is power.
故此,只有把自己的经历说出来,勇敢表达,才是最大的力量。勇于对侮辱说“不”,这才是改变现状的力量所在。

你经历过哪些基于性别的侮辱?无论男性还是女性,都欢迎分享你的声音~
摘自环球时报英文版上海版微信公众号(ID: gtmetroshanghai)
文:lanlan
图:Suzie Blake、网络
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